Self-Proclaimed People Pleaser

I am a self-proclaimed people pleaser.

I have this need to get things perfect all the time. The perfect reaction, the perfect transcript, the perfect image, the perfect thoughts that shape the perfect character. It's a control complex I have: I need to be in control in every way I can to feel secure and assured. 

It has nothing to do with my parents or their expectations for me— they have always only wanted my happiness.  

I don't know why I have this desire to keep up the steady, constant image for everyone else to overlook. But the idea of losing that control freaks me out. 

"Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." 

I read this quote on tumblr at least five times in the past two days and it's stuck to me like super glue and gorilla glue mated together (that might be incest in a consumer view— but what I'm picturing is a really cool gorilla shaped glue tube wearing a mask and a cape as he seals up any loose ends). I'm sorry to the creator of this genius combination of words that is now attached to my brain; I couldn't find the original poster and the quote lacked any accreditation. Props to whoever put this together to create such pearls of wisdom.

Anywho, this is my quote for 2015. I felt that last year, I spent half of my mental capacity on worrying what other people thought of me and how to improve friendships that, in retrospect, were slowly losing fuel to spark its embers and ignite into a beneficial friendship for both parties. I want to surround myself with people who genuinely care about me and my life. I have those people now, but it took me a while to figure out that they were there and they are with me for the long(er) run. This will be one of my focuses for the upcoming year. 

[Very small—but well deserved— shoutout to my bffs who really care for me and put up with my nerdy, obsessive brain.]

So. If you're struggling along with me with a control complex/unnecessary people pleasing, you might as well join me and get this quote tattooed across your forehead (just kidding, that'd be weird). But I feel like I need to get this permanently engraved on me just to remind myself not to put other's wellbeing before my own and then cause my own self- destruction.

Okay. Now I'm just being dramatic, but you get the gist of it.

Thanks for reading!

{This idea just came to me and we'll try it out: maybe I'll add a song of the post (SOP hehe) where a song that randomly comes to mind I add to the end of the post. If you don't wanna listen to it, eh, oh well.}
 Another Day Gone- Parmalee