Hallelujah

Yesterday, I ran my first Half Marathon, 13.1 miles.

It was the best experience of my life so far. 

To sum up the days before the race: I went to a formal date party Friday night, Saturday night I had another party and stayed up until 1:15 acting as the designated driver because, hello, I had a race the next day, so no drinks for Macy! We were supposed to be out of the house at 5 am the next morning (4 of us carpooled and it was pitch black outside). Downtown OKC was packed with cars and parking took much longer than I had hoped. Crowds of people were walking towards the sight of the OKC Memorial Bombing and I was feeling a little anxious because I hate crowds—they stress me out. But when the gun went off to signal our race, I had this amazing energy flow through me, despite only getting 3 hours of sleep.

My training for 13 miles was half-ass at best. Spring Break broke my motivation to train. So I was nervous to run that much in one day. My friend Hannah Grace (further referenced as HG) ran with me because she experienced the same training woes. 

All I could think about before that gun went off was that the farthest I've ever run in my life has been 6 miles. That's a little less than half of what I was supposed to be running with a crowd of people. How was I going to run 13? I've never done that before. Do I even have the mental strength to run that?

The first 2 miles of the race felt like all the other races I've done (which have only been 5k races, 3.1 miles). My mind was resistant to the feeling of running. It seemed like I was more focused on finishing than I was enjoying the race. I hit the 3 mile marker and I thought to myself I'm done. I can't do this, Just call a cab and I'll wait at the finish line. 

I think HG saw me struggling in my head and she said, "Let's walk for a little bit." Wow was I happy. We walked for half a mile then picked up a run again. 

That's when the signs appeared.

People sitting and standing on the sides of the road held up signs of encouragement for their family members or friends. Things like: "You Got This Joe!" or "We Love You Mom." These were the generic signs. But most of the signs weren't only encouraging their loved ones, they encouraged every single person running. Those signs were countless and said: "Run Like Forest" or "You're Lapping Everyone on the Couch, Including Me" and "Just Keep Running" with a picture of Dory from Finding Nemo. There was "Run Like There's a Hot Guy In Front of You and A Creepy Guy Behind You" or "Toenails Are For Sissy's" and so so many more! That's when I started to feel really emotional and appreciated for these people. Who woke up at an un-Godly hour to cheer on their loved ones, but also to cheer on people they'd never even seen before.

My thoughts of struggle turned into thoughts of how great humanity can be. How awesome all these people are. And even how awesome I was—not in the conceited way, but my body was awesome because it could run, it could breathe, I could run 13 miles. 

I started dancing to the music that was playing in my ears, I was smiling while running (which I never thought ANYONE could do) because I realized that I was alive, I was running, it was perfect running weather, and I was doing great things while almost all of my friends were asleep. I was so happy and excited.

My mood only increased as the miles did. As we ran through neighborhoods maybe around mile 6 or 7, I witnessed families out on their front lawns clapping us on; standing by tables with fresh fruit, cookies, and cupcakes; or holding their own encouraging and hilarious signs. (I hit a poster that had the level up turtle thing from the Mario Brothers' Gaming Series and I did in fact feel powered up after that.)

Mile 10 was when I was coming closer to my limit. My legs were starting to cramp up, we were taking longer walking breaks, my feet were starting to yell at me, my body was reaching its limit, as much as my mind was bouncing around clapping. But then, the first marathoner was approaching our "group" on the other side of the street. He was alone and he was music-less. He was in the zone. And every single person on the half marathon side started cheering for him. We were clapping and I thanked God that I didn't have to run 26.2 miles instead of 13.1. Then I found the will to finish the race to the best of my ability. 

I realized so many things in the span of less than 3 hours.

1. People are incredible. Yes there are some horrible ones out there who do horrible things, but the majority of people are good and kind. They encourage strangers. They man fruit tables or "booze stops" for strange people running when they could be having a nice brunch with their family or still sleeping. 
2. The body is amazing. You can do so much and the only thing holding you back is you. Once you silence the negative parts of your mind, you can do anything.
3. Complete strangers care about you. Maybe not the way that you care about friends or family, but they still care.
4. Races can make you happy.
5. Life is amazing and life is short so why would you not be happy?
6. Running is fun only sometimes

Here are some pictures from my race. In case your curious.

I'm not going to tell you to run a race and feel happy like I did, because not everyone enjoys the same thing.  But go out and find something you love and that makes you realize life is amazing. Do something that makes you happy and that restores your faith in humanity. Because life truly is amazing and people are too. 

 SOP: Hallelujah by Panic! At The Disco

April Showers Bring More Books

Hello everyone. This blog is turning into a primarily book review blog and I'm sorry, but I'm not exactly upset about it.
Finals are coming up so that means papers are demanding to be written. This will probably be my last post of the semester. I can't tell you when the next one will be (like you're actually waiting impatiently by your computer for my rambling updates).

So because it's been raining and I've been reading....


Confess by Colleen Hoover
Started: March 11, 2015
Finished: March 12, 2015
Stars: 3/5

I'm usually clutching her books after I finished them and my heart is warm and happy, but I feel almost indifferent with this one and it's upsetting me a little.

Which is not to say that I didn't like it. I did like it once I had finished it. I just felt that her other books are stronger and better reads.

The problem I found with this one was that it seemed very rushed. I felt like the plot was fast pace where the characters were trying to catch up in their development. I felt like two parts of my brain were at two different speeds: one focusing on the characters and the other keeping up with the action between the two. I got the impression that she was just tired of writing it and just decided to end it where she did, leaving so much out of the book.

[possible spoilers ahead]

I also thought that Colleen left out important information about the characters. Like where were Auburn's parents and siblings? They were really only mentioned twice and then quickly pushed aside. I wanted more of Owen's history and relationship with his father and brother and even his mom. I wanted more of Auburn's past with AJ and more information about AJ! What kind of kid was he? Was he difficult to raise? What were her feelings about AJ through the whole process? And what the hell do the initials AJ mean???? That really bothered me. Also why Adam was in the hospital in the first place, but whatever.

I wanted to know what happened when Owen and Auburn finally were able to be together. I wanted to know how the dynamic of Auburn, AJ and Owen worked, and the reaction of Lydia to the whole situation. I get it that ambiguous endings are cool too, but too much was left ambiguous! I just felt like hardly any of the minor details in this book were resolved, I'm still left wondering what the hell was going on in that book. (It may have been because I was reading it so quickly and was soooo interested in the plot and the mysteries of the characters.)

I didn't intend for this review to be super negative because I did enjoy this book. I sped through it. It was pretty easy to read and the action of the book and the mystery of the characters keeps you invested in the book. But it was just not up to the expectations I had going into reading it. I guess, in retrospect, Ugly Love was a tough act to follow.

Also, in my world of authors, Colleen Hoover and John Green would get along great. They both have the ability to pull at the heartstrings, just at two different age groups. Both authors write exceptionally diverse characters in each book and have great imagery and setting development.

Confess was a good book, don't read this the wrong way. I'm mostly upset that I didn't get enough of the book. If you want a summary of my four paragraphs.

[this book completed my "book by an author you love but haven't read yet" book for my 2015 Reading Challenge]

Antony and Cleopatra by William Shakespeare
Started: April 13, 2015
Finished: April 20, 2015
Star: 1/5

This play is so overhyped. I was really annoyed the entire play. I didn't like a single character. All them were so fickle and betrayed their loyalties or were just plain dumb. Antony and Cleopatra went back and forth through the whole play from "I love him/her" to "I hate him/her." Very fickle relationship. Definitely not a healthy relationship.

I will say that Cleopatra is a feminist character. She's assertive and the men don't like her mainly because they are jealous of her power. They want to "dominate" her because of her beauty and seduction and to have some kind of power over her. They are basically scared of her because she's so pretty and powerful.

But she's also super annoying. She changes her mind all the time, she loses her focus when she's around Antony and she is jealous for almost the whole play. When Antony marries Octavia, all Cleopatra can ask is if Octavia is pretty, and if she's prettier than Octavia. This isn't because she wants Antony to have the best marriage/life possible. No. This is because Cleopatra is moody and petty and wants to be the "fairest of them all." I may be a little extreme here or I was just really bitter when I read this, but that was my understanding.

Antony was equally as pathetic. Think Romeo on steroids and you have Antony. Cleopatra can manipulate him like none other. Basically everything Antony does in the play is because of Cleopatra. She is the cause for every action he takes.  And it seemed like he didn't have any reason because of his adoration of Cleopatra, which I understand was the entire point of their relationship. That love clouds your vision and you do stupid things because of love and whatnot. But Antony really perfected that theory.

To sum up Octavius Caesar, he's a jerk and a colossal asshole. He obviously has no idea how to run the Roman empire and he's an arrogant child.

I was just exhausted reading their petty relationship and the problems that they could've avoided had they actually used reason instead of rash passion and lust. Actions were based off of jealous a lot of the play and it was just irritating because they were all being so stupid.

I'm glad I read this so I can check it off my list (and I also read it for class but that's irrelevant), but I won't be reading this again.

[this book was my "classic romance book" for my 2015 Reading Challenge]


Anil's Ghost by Michael Ondaatje
Started: April 13, 2105
Finished: April 21, 2015
Stars: 3/5

For starters, I had to read this book for my critical methods literature class whose theme is colonialism. I have read colonial themed lit since November and to say I'm little burnt out on imperialism, is an understatement. Because of this, I wasn't really looking forward to reading it.

So the first 30 pages of the book felt like torture and I was bored. And really really confused.

This book is not linear at all. It's like four different timelines and cut into little fragments throughout the book. It was really interesting to read and also slightly challenging. I had to figure out when what I was reading was taking place and who it was and all these different variables and it was cool!

The tone of the book is really detached. All of the characters are trying to distance themselves from part of their past or feelings or anything really. They all try to get lost in their work and to top it all off, they're trying to solve this mystery around a dead body that is possible linked to the government. There is so much going on in this book and it keeps you hooked on the semi-fictional world Ondaatje creates.

I loved reading about Sri Lanka and their different customs and cultures.
This book was sad though. There were so many issues that the characters were dealing with and the war itself set a somber mood for the story.

The ending was satisfying while still being like a cliffhanger. You felt a sense of closure at the end of the book, but you didn't actually get it. I wanted to know what happened! How the characters were doing at the end! Or maybe five years down the road! But the tone of the last chapter was hopeful. So you had this peace settle over you once you finished it. It was an odd feeling.

In retrospect, I really loved it. The characters are strong and well developed despite the fragments that Ondaatje gave us of their characters and backgrounds. It was a mystery in two aspects: one for the actual crime and the other for the characters and their connections and pasts. It was great.

[this book was my "book in another country" for my 2015 Reading Challenge]



SOP: Fluorescent Adolescent by Arctic Monkeys


Enjoy today.

March/April Reading Slump of 2015

Howdy, Readers!

Am I neglecting my responsibilities? Yes.
Am I procrastinating homework assignments? Of Course.
Am I telling myself I'm being productive because I'm blogging instead of taking care of my responsibilities? Duh.

This is the time of the year where I have major spring fever and just don't want to do anything except relax and read outside while I work on my tan. But, school has a different idea for me. Papers galore! Test today? Shoot. Meetings? Right, I totally remembered that.

And the cherry on top, Franny and Zooey (F&Z) left me in a crumble of confused pieces and it's taken me two weeks to read a book again. I guess that's when you know a book is powerful. I also kind of forced that book onto my friends. One finished it and she wasn't nearly as torn up by it as I was. I dragged the other to Barnes and Noble so she could buy it and write in her own copy.

It's my talent. Peer pressuring people into reading the books I like. They secretly love it.

Maybe you've read my review on F&Z and know just how it challenged my brain.  If you haven't or haven't read the book, go read the review real quick (here's a link to it) and maybe it'll help you get an understanding for how jaw-droppingly good this book was.

Keep in mind that I was in a slight reading slump. I had gotten my copy of The Winner's Crime in the mail right when I got back from spring break, but, alas, I had already started reading F&Z. So here's what my plan was, finish F&Z, then jump right into The Winner's Crime and then I would read the books for my classes.

That plan so did not happen. Because of the March/April Book Slump. It was awful.

So not only was I behind in one of my classes, but I was also not escaping in a book. Two not-good things.

So I finally got back on the reading horse. And let me tell you, the two books since have equally messed me up.

Titus Andronicus by William Shakespeare
Started: April 2, 2015
Finished: April 6, 2015
Stars: 3/5

In case you didn't know this about me, I'm taking a strictly Shakespeare Class. That is the reason for my Shakespeare binge this semester. I've really enjoyed it.

I even enjoyed this book—to an extent. I'm just going to go ahead and spoil the plot because it's been 100+ years since its publication and honestly I wish someone warned me going into this book.

Titus Andronicus comes back from war with the Goths, with only four of his 25 sons alive. He is a well-loved and highly respected General of Rome. His only daughter, Lavinia, awaits the return of her adored father and her four brothers. Titus is very close to his daughter, his sons, and his brother, Marcus. However, he also returns with the Goth Queen Tamora, her three sons, and her lover as hostages. As as ritual, Titus sacrifices her eldest son to the gods as respect and thanks for bringing them home victorious and alive. That one small action causes all kinds of anger and revenge in Tamora. So somehow, she marries the newly crowned emperor and becomes powerful. And to gain her revenge on Titus, tells her two living sons to rape his daughter. They do and then cut off her hands and tongue so she cannot tell the story of her abuse.

That's all I'm going to say about the play. There's a lot of death. A lot of blood. It's just a damn gory play and really unsettling.

I liked the play because 1) it's Shakespeare, 2) the wit and motifs were clever, and 3) the themes in the play are really strong and really good. One of the themes is all about this strong father-daughter relationship between Titus and Lavinia. That really hit home with me because my dad and I are really close.
But how Lavinia is abused in the beginning of the plot really really unsettled me. It was so hard for me to read past that situation. It was refreshing to read this protection her father had over her and his ultimate care for her, but it was hard.

There is a close friendship throughout the Andronicus family, Titus and Marcus are close, all of Titus's sons watch out and protect Lavinia, she is close with them, her uncle, and her father.

There was also a really strong female character. The feminist in me was really excited that the villain was a female. She was intense and frankly scared me. Just picture the ugly, mean step mother from Cinderella or Snow White and then multiple that by a hundred. She was ruthless. And she literally gave zero shits. She had a Moor lover and bossed her sons around, bossed her husband around, toyed with Titus' mind and sanity, she manipulated everyone in the play and wow.

The situation with Lavinia is what gave this play a 3 star rating instead of a 4. I loved everything else except Lavinia's fate.

[this play fit "a book that scares you" for my 2015 Reading Challenge.]

The Winner's Crime by Marie Rutkoski
Started: April 3, 2015
Finished: April 7, 2015
Stars: 4/5

Okay. I've been carrying this book around with me for 2 weeks, trying to pick up the courage to start it. But (as previously mentioned) I was in quite the slump.

Debatable spoilers ahead.

I also did a bad bad bad bad thing. I was maybe 100 pages into the book (if that), and I flipped to the last chapter or two of the book. I read it. And it toyed with me. Then I was scared to continue reading it because I knew I wouldn't like the ending. (Side note: I hate surprises. I'm one of those people who needs to what's going to happen or at least whether or not I'll like the ending of the book. I've been fighting the desire to skip to the last chapter of whatever book I'm reading and just reading little words or maybe the whole damn chapter. But it's a curse and I did it again with this book.) I felt anxious the whole time I was reading it because I knew what was coming in the ending. I knew that it was a rough end.

Small Tangent: MARIE RUTKOSKI WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE LEAVING ME WITH SUCH A STEEP CLIFFHANGER?!?!?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY EMOTIONAL STATE IS LIKE RIGHT NOW??? NOT GOOD. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS ASAP.

This book really affected my emotions outside of reading it. I was just down when I closed it for the day/night. I was feeling the separation anxiety between Kestrel and Arin probably more than they were and they were pretty damn unhappy!!

 There was so much angst and unhappiness in this book, on Arin's side (who is my fave character) and Kestrel's side. They wanted each other so bad, but couldn't because of society's expectations and the fact that Kestrel was engaged to Verex (who really grows on you throughout the book). If you haven't noticed before, I love character development. Kestrel is battling the entire book on what she wants, her role as a daughter, citizen, friend. She has this huge conflict with where her loyalties lay. She felt caged in, without any real decisions or options, she was alone—literally every one of her friends from the first book was gone. She was completely alone.
Arin was conflicted in a completely different aspect. He just wanted to save his people. His loyalty and honor is swoon-worthy and enrapturing. He felt conflicted on what was the right thing for his people and whether or not he was even capable of saving them and leading the Herrani. He didn't understand Kestrel the entire book, probably still doesn't at the beginning of the 3rd (which I'm hoping comes out sooner than 2016). Her whole goal was to protect him, and she succeeded, but she didn't protect his feelings. This girl, Kestrel, whom he spent so much time with and really knew her—her mental state, her emotions, her habits, he literally knew everything there was to know about her— and then she becomes this completely different person to protect him and save the Herrani as a whole.
It was hard to read. Because all I wanted was for them to get together and live happily ever after.

The language and imagery and writing in this book was incredible. I was really impressed with the types of descriptions Rutkoski used. It made these average, mundane objects feel like they were part of something divine. And they weren't useless descriptions, that are evident in some classics novels. Each description was beneficial to the overall plot and character development of the book. Her descriptions almost made you feel like what she was describing was going on right in front of you. It was so life-like and real to read.

While reading, I didn't really like the book. (Probably because of the major anxiety it gave me and I was just nervous the whole damn time.) But now that I've finished it, I really enjoyed the experience. The fact that an author could make me feel so strongly throughout the entire book, is incredible.

[this book was my book that was published this year for my 2015 Reading Challenge]

SOP: Kansas City by The New Basement Tapes

{so i recently found them. And basically the band is made up of a bunch of members of different bands and they come together and take Bob Dylan lyrics and put them to new music. Yes, it's the same guy from Mumford & Sons. Most of their songs are pretty good. I can't vouch for all of them. It's such a cool concept though.}

Until Next Time.