Hot Potato

Back when my hopes of being taller than 5'5 were great and girls were still around my size and not as aggressive, my dream was to play for the Duke Blue Devils' Basketball team. I decided to rule out the facts that I was as timid as they get and was afraid of hurting myself, even at the prime age of14. I also hate conflict. But I figured, hey, I can grow out of that. It's fine. I'm only 14.

Now I'm 5'3. 19 (almost 20). I still hate conflict and aggression. I'm not as timid, but I'll avoid confrontation at all costs. Also, people kind of intimidate me. I was always slightly bitter that I was never tall or aggressive enough to continue playing basketball and ultimately play at such an advanced level (at least high school).

Why is this relevant?
Glad you asked because this post is not meant for me to give you some random tidbits about my life.

Yesterday, I went to a women's basketball game at my University with my group of friends. I sat there remembering these weird facts about my life as these athletic girls played right in front of my eyes.
They were incredibly strong, could literally hurdle over me and not break a sweat. The could lap me dozens of times and then ask for another round. Like wow.

So that was my first give away that I was never cut out to be a college basketball player.

Number two, came to me when I was lost in thought as I watched them pass the ball from player to player, moving the defense and the ball around, waiting for an open play. It reminded me of hot potato.

I hated hot potato as a child. Hated it.

We would sit in our kindergarten circle, passing a semi-circular object around to radio music or, if my teacher was extra motivated, a CD that helped us learn something. (It was kindergarten and my memory of this age isn't exactly reliable.) And when that music stopped on someone else, I was relieved. I hated (still do) the spotlight. I don't like attention directed towards me. And then when that dreaded moment came, and the music stopped on me, my blood boiled, my palms got sweaty and these teeny tiny little knots formed in the pit of my stomach as all eyes turned to me and I had to stand up and sit out of the circle. It was like an exile.

My problem was: I never wanted all eyes to focus on me and I wanted to win. I always want to win. I have this intrinsic need to always be the winner. It's irrational because I hate attention and you can't ALWAYS win at every little thing that you try.

So now, almost 6 years later, I have realized that God was watching out for me. I could have never succeeded at basketball on such a competitive and advanced level.  And because of my intrinsic need to win or be really really good at whatever I do, I would've have a meltdown— because I would have been terrible at basketball compared to those girls I saw yesterday.

So Thank You God for looking out for me in the long run. It's amazing how everything that happens has a reason and purpose behind it.

SOP:
Bennie and the Jets by Elton John

Macy Out.